When someone tells you to “think positive,” what is the first thing that pops into your mind? The answer is different for everyone, but many people react with skepticism or disdain. This is not surprising. Science shows that we are wary of negative outcomes due to a hard-wiring in our brains. As our ancestors evolved, the survival instinct of those choosing to not take on a sabre-tooth tiger led to the greater likelihood that those individuals would procreate.
As a lawyer, thinking positive is the opposite of thinking like a lawyer. Especially in litigation, our job is to search out the strengths and weaknesses of our own case. To locate those weaknesses and then disregard them because they affect the case negatively is setting the case up for failure. An effective trial lawyer must attack the other side’s weaknesses. A winning trial lawyer will also know the difficulties with her case. Positive thinking won’t make the problems magically disappear.
The same is true in life. There are constantly going to be trying events. Challenges do not go away simply because you wish it so. They are there whether you choose to acknowledge them or not. The key to overcoming challenges is in admitting that they are real.
The positivity of negative thinking is in the realization that your thoughts automatically go to the negative. Hundreds of thousands of years of evolution have ensured this. However, by understanding the way the mind works, you can use a process of defusion to change the way your mind thinks. Clinical Sport Psychologist, Eddie O’Connor, Ph.D., describes this process in his class on The Psychology of Performance: How to Be Your Best in Life.
Defusion Exercise Helps
Dr. O’Connor teaches many defusion exercises. One of those exercises is a three step process of labeling. In the beginning identify a negative thought about yourself and identify it as “I am X.” For example, right before trial, I found my thoughts saying “I am not prepared.”
Once you have identified the thought, Dr. O’Connor has you put the following phrase in front of your negativity: “I’m having the thought that…” In my case, “I’m having the thought that I am not prepared.”
The final step is to then add the phrase “I notice I’m having the thought that…” Again, in my case, “I notice I’m having the thought that I am not prepared.”
Dr. O’Connor explains that by developing this process, you will distance yourself from the negative thoughts. Your mind will label the process as an experience, which allows you to make a thoughtful choice of what you choose to do with the experience. Oftentimes you will see that your initial thought was wrong, discard it, and move forward.
Contact me for complimentary 30 minute session to work on defusing your negative thoughts!
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