There was a time in my legal career when my inner voice said “I hate what I do” at least three or four times a day. Sometimes I even found myself saying the words out loud. Obviously, something was wrong. I was making good money, volunteering with the bar and law schools, and had a good handle on my practice. Why in the hell was my inner voice saying “I hate what I do?”
The answer was that at the time I was going through a good case of burnout. My mind latched onto every little thing that was wrong with my practice. For example, in law school I never saw myself going into plaintiff’s personal injury work. I wanted to be a criminal defense attorney. Even though I still had some criminal defense clients, the vast majority of my clients were personal injury clients. It felt as if I was selling out.
In addition, normal parts of the job became irritating. For example, I would find myself sitting through depositions and thinking that the insurance defense attorney was more concerned with padding billable hours than in conducting productive discovery. A sense of anger grew within me with every (in my opinion) stupid question. I wanted to scream “Hey defense attorney, we are not making a wage loss claim, why do you feel the need to ask questions about my client’s entire work history?” At some level, I knew the defense attorney was just doing her job, but I raged on the inside.
These feelings crept into every part of my life. My staff would irritate me over little things. I would go home and discuss the day with my wife, and discovered that I never had good things to say. Negativity began to overwhelm me.
I realized that I needed to change because life is too short to be miserable. Here are three lessons I learned that helped me dig my way out of the despair and burnout:
1. TALK TO SOMEONE
It is crucial that you have a sounding board to help you navigate your way out of burnout. Talk to your mentor or other attorneys. You will be surprised at how many people have gone through a similar situation. When you are silent, you feel like you are the only person that has ever had the experience. Hire a career coach if you are not comfortable talking to your peers. If your depression is deep, talk to a psychiatrist. The import thing is to talk to someone!
2. DETERMINE WHAT YOU DON’T LIKE
This will take some deep soul searching and asking yourself some tough questions. What exactly is it that you don’t like? Is it your coworkers? Your boss? The clients? Make a list of all the things that you don’t like. You might find that it’s not the job itself, but other things that can be easily changed. Realization may hit that it is the job, and that you need to look for another one. Or, you may discover that the career you chose does not actually jibe with your own personal values. In that case, a career change may be in order.
3. MAKE A PLAN TO MAKE THE CHANGE
Once you have determined what changes need to be made, make a plan. For minor changes at the job, how will you make those changes? If you need to find a new job, start networking. Do you need to change your career? Then your plan needs to be even more detailed. Look at your finances. Examine your timeline. Talk to other people that have made such a change and find out what obstacles they faced. The transition is eased with the more information you gather.
It was hard work to dig my way out of burnout. But with guidance and tough decisions, I found a way. For me, I delegated the parts of the job that I despised so that I could work on things that stimulated me. With self-awareness, I aligned my career with my personal values. I turned myself and my practice around. You can too!
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